Friday, February 23, 2018

Day 63: End Your Problems



Today I did an improvised candle with a lighter and a rubber band. You know, putting the rubber band around the lighter button, the rubber band kept the lighter button pressed- lol. All kinds of things we can invent, silly things like the one I 'invented' today or more advanced things. We can also invent a dysfunctional self or a functional self. By default we create ourselves in general as a working yet dysfunctional self in that we have addictions and patterns that prevent us from being the best version of ourselves. And you see, we don't have to judge ourselves because we didn't know better, but we have to correct ourselves once we are aware of the problems and know how to solve them.

Like Lao Tzu said: 'Stop thinking, and end your problems'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself to walk the solution to my problems/addictions.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to remind myself to walk my problems/addictions into solutions applying the tools of self-honesty, self forgiveness and practical application.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the full opportunity to stop my problems/stop my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look into and let run rampant my problems and addictions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to that walking process means to stop my problems effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to see that the challenges I face are my problems and my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully challenge my problems and my addictions as the main tasks I face currently in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see problems and addictions as a cool challenge to challenge myself and test myself out on my resolve, directiveness and assertiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live fully the statement 'Stop thinking and end your problems'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling onto my problems and limitations and addictions in fear of change, fear of the new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by continuing participation in my limitations as problems and addictions, so I don't change - to not have to take responsibility for myself and the world as a whole.

I commit myself to remind myself that problems and addictions are there to challenge my resolve, so I face them with joy and eagerness as I test myself and my resolve to stop them.

I commit myself to remind myself that problems and addictions are not something to dread or be afraid of, but to 'play' with by stopping them effectively to see how stronger we are than they are.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am in fact stronger than my problems and my addictions - and that I can't see it yet because I have not really faced them with all that I've got.

I commit myself to stop my limitations as problems and addictions, so that I allow myself to change to a better version of myself and take responsibility for myself and the world.

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Day 62: Valuing Myself Despite Everything


If I look at myself and my life I have 'fallen' many times. But it is not the many times I have fallen but the many times that I have stood up. I have had to start over many times, but it is not the many times I have had to start over but the fact that I am still on path. It doesn't matter that my path has been at times in circles but that I have found a way to stop them. It is not a matter of how long it has taken me to really start walking seriously but the fact that I am pushing daily to walk steadfast.

It is not time to look back in regret for the time I have lost, or entertain the thought of what if, who would I be now had I walked differently - but to learn from my mistakes and walk knowing where are my pitfalls, what do I need to do to not repeat the same mistakes again.

To learn from the past to not repeat the same mistakes, and never look back  - but forgive and let go.

In the past I waited for something that would make me change, now I don't wait anymore as I have already a lot of stuff to deal with and waiting will simply add more stuff making it more difficult to stand up for myself - so always, the best time to start is here now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the thought of who would I be had I walked differently in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value the fact that despite everything, I am still walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that mistakes are there to learn from them and not repeat them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value the fact that I have stood up for myself as many times as I have fallen.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see my strenght in being here walking despite everything that has happened in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my strenght to reinforce myself daily to be stronger to walk effectively and push for change effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and value myself as a force to be reckoned, for I have despite everything being able to be back, walking despite everything that has happened in my life.

I commit myself to let go of the past, and never look back, but instead walk daily effectively, pushing for self-change and self-improvement.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can be and become so much more if I apply my will to walk into changing myself effectively.

I commit myself to not wait for something to happen in order for me to change, but instead push for change daily no matter what.

I commit myself to start over the necessary times until I have it done, starting over every day if necessary, as every day is a new opportunity for change.

I commit myself to use every day as an opportunity for self-change and self improvement.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Day 61: When Someone Dies




Today I attended a funeral. It was the funeral of my science teacher's wife.She was 71 and had been ill for a while. The death of this woman made me think about my life, how I have to push more, not be so complacent with myself, it is a reminder of the short time we have here on Earth and that we don't know when we are going to go, when our time is up.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be complacent with myself and not push myself effectively for change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about pushing myself for change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted the time I have here on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my time here on Earth is limited.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do things right just because someone else is gone now and it might be my turn next, instead of doing it by principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in fear of dying instead of self-movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying instead of focusing on doing what is best for all at all times so if I die I would die knowing that I did my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if I am not going to die.

I forgive  myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that tomorrow I will still be alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that next breathe I will still be alive.

I commit myself to remind myself that I could die at any moment, so I have to live in a way that if I was to die the next breathe, I'd be satisfied with my life - so walk the principle of what is Best for All.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Day 60: Why I'd Probably Be Dead if I Lived in the USA


There is much fuss about gun control now because of the recent mass shootings in USA. I live in Spain. See, as a Bipolar there was a time I didn't know I was one. And I went in to a manic depression. And I wanted to kill myself. And lukily I didn't have a gun around the house to use, nor was I able to purchase one.

Researchers estimate that between 25% and 60% of individuals with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide at least once in their lives and between 4% and 19% will complete suicide.(1)

See, there has to be a protection for mental health patients, because you can't tell someone is bipolar and on a manic depression just by looking at them. I could have gone to a USA gun shop and no one would have known. Also, because in my manic depresion I had persecutory delusions that I was being chased by police, who knows if I would have turned the guns to them as well. It would have snowballed and people would have been killed, myself first.

There has to be a protection about people themselves, no one knows if they will become bipolar, if they have bipolar subjacent in them, waiting to be activated by something we don't yet know - as I don't know what activated my bipolar disorder, it somply came up where there was no prior mental health issues, and eventhough I was in hospital they didn't know it was bipolar disorder until later on that I had a 'high' manic episode where I was not depressed but vey active and with delusion as well, but more positive themed.

Overall, access to guns has to be more difficult, like there is in Spain, or even better, something like a full day course like they do in Japan, where yes, they would have detected something was off with me in my manic depression, as well as an interview with a psychologist, that would have helped. What surely wouldn't have helped is having guns at home for me, or being able to purchase guns like they do in USA.

Thanks for reading


Bibliography:

1. Goodwin FK, Jamison KR. Manic-Depressive Illness. New York: Oxford University Press; 1990. [Ref list]

Monday, February 19, 2018

Day 59: The Power of Dedication



Some hours ago I did the teoric driving exam which went great! I have been studying with a driving school that has a cool method, I followed it and eventhough I still don't know the score, I am certain that I have passed. This is what is cool about studying well, that then is inevitable for you to pass. 

So this is what I have to do in all areas of my life, prepare myself well so it is inevitable that I pass/get things done properly.

If I look back at what I did to do the exam so well today is because I put myself to study several days, concentrated with what I was doing and 'grinding' responding to tests. The exam was not very diffifcult in that I did not doubt much in any of the 30 questions of it.

So the word that comes up is Dedication, where if I dedicate myself to something I get results. 

In the past I have wanted results but not dedicated myself much to get them, resulting in failing at my objectives. Today, eventhough I still not know the score, as I pass, it will prove that with dedication I can achieve results.

Every time I failed at something I would always put the excuse of not having studied/dedicated myself much to it, which was true, but this is not a valid excuse as none are, instead I have to dedicate myself to something and then reap the results. A cool objective for me is to be a dedicated person, someone that dedicates themselves to everything they do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word dedication in all areas of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to achieve results without dedicating myself to stuff.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that results need commitment and dedication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept defeat/failure by not dedicating myself enough in what I do, for example my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself for failure by not dedicating myself  enough in what I do.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to what I do so that I can be successful in my life.

I commit myself to remind myself to dedicate myself to what I do, honouring myself in the process and achieving results.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to what I do so that it is inevitable that I succeed/pass an exam for example.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Day 58: When I Believed I Was Dying


Today is Sunday, the day that many have off and that can dedicate to themselves, that they don't have to work and that usually this blog has more views, thus why I have been for more than 15 minutes wondering what great point I can write about. There is no one great point to write about, well maybe there is, the principle of doing what is Best for All. You see, I am Bipolar and there was one time where I was very depressed and became psychotic, which means  that I started imagining things that were not true. I imagined that that I did something horrible and that everyone and police was after me and that I would burn in a horrible hell forever. Once I was in that state I believed 100% that this was true so I reasoned wrongly that if I was going to end up in a horrible hell why the hell not go straight to it, and I attempted suicide.

When I believed I was dying I told my mother even in my perturbed state:  'the principle of what is Best for All still stands', and I said goodbye.

I am not revealing how I did it to not give ideas to other people but at that one point I was certain I was going to die - later on, when I was at the hospital and didn't die I was angry and then started a process through medication and realizations how I made up a lie in my head and what I believed of the persecutory ideas was not real, until now that I don't have anything of this at all and am 'a normal person' once again.

I am telling this because, when I thought I was going to die, there was a moment of clarity, of wanting to leave something in this world eventhough not effective - just saying that the principle of what is Best for All still stands doesn't help much - and what is more relevant by saying this on my believed death time I was in a way passing the torch to others, giving the responsibility to others of something I did not do fully in my life, which is doing what is Best for All absolutely.

This is to remember that at times we forget about the principle, about bettering ourselves, about bettering the world but remember that, on my 'deathbed' the first thing that came up, and this was not planned, never during my psychotic break I thought about the principle of what is Best for All or self forgiveness as I was too much in my posession/imaginary world/caught up in fear -- so the first thing that came up in my 'deathbed' was the principle of what is Best for All, and by then it was too late, I mean, I believed I was dying and there I was telling this to my poor mother who was not prepared for this at All - So when we die, when we are on our deathbed it is too late, and we can't pass our self-responsibility to someone else to walk, either we walk it or we don't, no one will walk our self responsibility of principled living.

Learn more about principled living here http://desteni.org/about-us/desteni-principles

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Day 57: Like My Post Please


After I am done writing a blog, I share it to various Facebook groups and wait impatiently for likes to come - lol - I have to slow down on this because likes will come by themselves and with time, so I don't have to worry about it.

Impatience is the word, like I can't wait for the word to be spread, for change to be implemented, for views to go up. Well I have to start by changing myself effectively and this is a process, as it will be getting more views.

It has been less than a month that I have been writing daily blogs and I can't expect to have tons of views from the get-go, also it is not the amount of views but the insights that are shared if they are valuable for the reader or not, so every day I must take care to share supportive material for others to be able to support themselves with, realize something, change directions of their lives.

In today's case I was too worried about facebook likes, yesterday was a bit dry of likes on facebook but on my blog I had quite a bit of views, so it is not that they don't read you, sometimes they simply don't give a like

Id'say, give a like if you liked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have likes on facebook on my blog posts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied with how many facebook likes and views I have on my blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient over views and likes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to grow up on likes and views instead of seeing realizing and understanding that this is a process like the process of change that has to be walked consistently over time and one can't force it more than being consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be 'rewarded' by likes instead of knowing that I am being rewarded if someone finds my blogs useful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having views and likes on my blog posts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ignored.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that fear of being ignored stems form me not giving attention to me.

Whenever I see that I want to have more likes and views, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this will be a process and that I cannot expect to have tons of likes or views overnight but that it will in any case be gradual like the process of change and not instantaneous.

I commit myself to remind myself that the only thing that I can do to have more likes and views is be consistent and that the other part - views and likes - will come by themselves as I have no control over it - I can only work with what I do.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to focus on creating content, not on controlling how many views or likes I get, as I am not in control of that.

I commit myself to remind myself to not live the word impatience, and change it to patience instead.